A Narrative in(to) Darkness
anonymous
Issue date: 2/17/05 Section: News
Due to the highly personal nature of this story, The Tartan has agreed to provide anonymity to the author.
We shall call the subject of this feature "John".
A young man now, John's worst years were when he was attending elementary school. John didn't go to a normal school; he went to a private school where the average class size was sixty to a grade. John did not feel like he fit in amongst the "cool" crowd (or any crowd altogether) at his school, for he did not enjoy playing sports or paintballing as much as he enjoyed writing in his journal or (gasp!) doing his homework. Eventually, his minor differences became vital human flaws: "What am I? Why am I not normal?" would be the mantra John told himself everyday before he went to school, which would eventually become his own personal hell. Not only did the differences in his personality trigger hostile response from his peers and "friends", John's lack of connection to his fellow students left him friendless, and alone. He was a nerd among athletes, a perfectionist amongst casual completists. John was very, very depressed. And John was only 12 at the time.
Moving onto high school, John broke free of the bonds of his previous school and into a much more supportive environment. John instantly bonded with people that were surprisingly like him - band geeks, the set-crew nerds, people that were as quirky as he was strange. But John had made a shocking discovery within himself that previous summer before High School even began - John was very ill, and he didn't know exactly with what. After seeing numerous doctors, John discovered that he had a digestive disorder; he would lead a more difficult life from there on out. From this digestive disorder he developed a hindering anxiety disorder, with it a fear of leaving home for fear of falling randomly ill as his disorder would prone him to do. Agoraphobia began closing in on John, and there seemed to be nothing he could do about it.
Eventually, depression set in again inside John again. He might have well had stayed at the school he once referred to himself as "hell"; John was depressed, and John was alone. This time, "hell" was inside John himself, in his mind as he called himself "worthless" and "defective" each and every day.
We shall call the subject of this feature "John".
A young man now, John's worst years were when he was attending elementary school. John didn't go to a normal school; he went to a private school where the average class size was sixty to a grade. John did not feel like he fit in amongst the "cool" crowd (or any crowd altogether) at his school, for he did not enjoy playing sports or paintballing as much as he enjoyed writing in his journal or (gasp!) doing his homework. Eventually, his minor differences became vital human flaws: "What am I? Why am I not normal?" would be the mantra John told himself everyday before he went to school, which would eventually become his own personal hell. Not only did the differences in his personality trigger hostile response from his peers and "friends", John's lack of connection to his fellow students left him friendless, and alone. He was a nerd among athletes, a perfectionist amongst casual completists. John was very, very depressed. And John was only 12 at the time.
Moving onto high school, John broke free of the bonds of his previous school and into a much more supportive environment. John instantly bonded with people that were surprisingly like him - band geeks, the set-crew nerds, people that were as quirky as he was strange. But John had made a shocking discovery within himself that previous summer before High School even began - John was very ill, and he didn't know exactly with what. After seeing numerous doctors, John discovered that he had a digestive disorder; he would lead a more difficult life from there on out. From this digestive disorder he developed a hindering anxiety disorder, with it a fear of leaving home for fear of falling randomly ill as his disorder would prone him to do. Agoraphobia began closing in on John, and there seemed to be nothing he could do about it.
Eventually, depression set in again inside John again. He might have well had stayed at the school he once referred to himself as "hell"; John was depressed, and John was alone. This time, "hell" was inside John himself, in his mind as he called himself "worthless" and "defective" each and every day.